2 years ago
“Some things in life cannot be fixed. They can only be carried.” Said Megan Devine. Today is the anniversary of an event that dramatically changed the course of my life.
At first, I thought a miracle had blessed me but later found out it was a dream lived at the expense of the suffering of another. As much as I tried to prevent it and address the situation proactively, I ultimately couldn’t control other people’s decisions. That’s where my fairytale came to a brutal end. Regardless of the grieving stages, a permanent scare was left on my heart.
Not a day goes by without a “what if" thought. Of course, the wondering and regrets are less frequent than before, but still, they persist. Closure is not always possible, and feelings are left unresolved like a bleeding open wound. Some life events cannot be wrapped up with hindsight, it just is, and no amount of rationalization or investigation can bring sense or answers.
Many good things have happened to me, and I started functioning relatively normally since, but a part of me has forever been reshaped. Some consider scares as a symbol of strength; in some way, they are a testament of your survival. Though under the scar tissue, where the eyes can no longer see, I remember a time that bared no marks. A time filled with hope.
New hopes have been forged since new dreams are pursued, and old memories persist. My heart suffered losses before, and eventually, I recovered. This time, there’s no knowing of how and when. I simply have to accept what I cannot control.
