A good night led to a semi productive day
It was on a strong start tackling house shores, and my closet project, then my wind died down. It seems that when it comes to focusing on school, I get overwhelmed. I unfortunately see the multitude of chores in my schedule as one big ball. Even if I pick at it, unless a significant chunk is cleared up, I feel like nothing has been done, and I lose hope.
I’m not behind in my classes, but I might start lagging if I don’t pick it up this weekend. I did do some studying, but not remotely as much as I wanted. Talking to St about my concerns, and how I wish more house projects on his side would be done. He agrees, and tomorrow we will list down everything that needs to be done so he can create a liveable space for me. He’s not happy about the state of the condo right now, and he has to start chunking at it. I did mention almost everything that needs to be done around the house, but he’ll actually right it down so he doesn’t forget.
I don’t know if it’s a gender thing, but as a women, if something needs to be done, it stays in the back of my mind constantly, and never goes away till it’s done. He’s not like that, and things need to be written down to get done. The plan tomorrow morning is to give him a note pad, and go through each rooms thoroughly to tell him all the to-does. He knows me, I notice everything, not a detail will escape my sight. I also warned him that he will feel very overwhelmed once we’re done. He’s determined to see through my eyes, and experience what it’s like to never let go of what needs to be done.
Of course I avoid, and procrastinate. It still doesn’t change the fact that my mind relentlessly reminds me of all the things I haven’t done yet. The worst part about life if that not only one’s to-do list is never endless, new things gets added every instant. The finish line keeps getting pushed back perpetually. A soul crushing reality that leaves me exhausted before I even started.
Anyway, tomorrow St’s is going to pick up the pace, and I won’t feel alone in this as much. I still have to do more because school takes away less of my time than his very demanding job. At least, having him become aware of my situation makes it easier.
