A little wilder
The clock is ticking. In one month exactly, I will be moving out. My nervosity increases as this turning point quickly approach. During my riverside walk, I realized how much I’m going to miss the untamed wilderness of Western Canada. It’s not just nature; it’s extreme wilderness! Everything is so big and vibrant here. The mountains are higher, the trees are taller, the fields are wider; it’s like an extra-larger than reality kind of nature. It’s beautiful — I will miss it.
I’m going to a new city that is also surrounded by forests, lacs and mountains but it’s a much more civilized nature. Things are containable proportionate. It’s brilliantly picturesque, but right now, I’m becoming increasingly present to what I’ll be leaving behind. Again, close to a decade of my life has been spent here.
Another major change, I’m now down to biweekly sessions with my counsellor. My health has been consistently improving, and I've developed better stress management tools in the past year. I’ve graduated, and we both agreed it was time for me to start flying on my own. It's a bit stressful during this time of major changes, but it’s the perfect test to see if I can stand on my own. Also, she’s available to reconnect sooner if needed, so I’m not left without resources—another bigger girl step to a more adult life.
I like to say, “I forgot to grow old,” to explain why I look so much younger than my age. Will my new lifestyle allow me to continue using that phrase after becoming properly responsible? I don't think I’ll ever lose my eccentricities, but I may allow a more peaceful rhythm in my day-to-day. The wisdom age brings, or maybe too much fatigue, has stopped me from being so reckless. Who knows… All I can say is that my pace has softened.
So why do I mention a little wilder? Well, the ways of the wild wild West have gotten to me. I’m more to the point, my social skills are rusty, I get offended a bit faster, and I’m less shy to do things my way. I’ve broken off from the pack. I’ve been wondering on my own for quite some time now, and rejoining my old social circle does make me a bit nervous. I’ll have to practice compromising and meditating more. I may be navigating my circumstances with more clam, but the fire of my free soul is burning stronger than ever.
