A look in the mirror
All will be fine… I’m in good hands now. My request to finance my tutoring with the main math aide center tutor has been approved. Someone I’ve tutored with successfully in a group setting, and who’s been tutoring since he was in 8th grade has taken me under his wing. This. is. amazing… (Sigh) After an insanely productive early day, all my to-do was completed successfully, swiftly, and brilliantly. The lab though was hard.
Yes, the protocol was complexe, and the manipulations were risky as we handle an extremely corrosive liquid, but what ened up being difficult was to manage my lab partner’s anxiety. Even after investing 8 hours in preparing our lab, and litteraly breaking down each steps into smaller simpler one on a checklist, she panicked.
Unfortunately, she didn’t read the protocol in full last night as she said she would, and she didn’t take the time to do so calmly before the lab. Even during the lab, I recommend she took the time to read calmly the instructions I had broken down for her, but at this point, she was already to stressed to absorb anything. It led to miss handling one of the procedures that was assigned to her, and I’m unhappy with the decision I made at that time. We succeeded the lab, nothing dangerous happened, but the teacher was not impressed. To be clear, it happened while filling up a 25 mL burette under the lab fan with a non-corosive solution.
I’ll sleep on it, but I’ll meet with my chemistry teacher to discuss the situation. I’ve been taking too much of a strong lead on our labs this term, and I have to figure out how to delegate respectfully, and responsibly. At this point, it’s obvious my labratory skills have exceed my partner’s, but it’s also of my own doing by being overly bearing, hum hum! Controlling. Time to readjust, and divide the taskes properly in the future. Most labs present an opportunity for task division, as I go through the material, and prepare myself, I’ll from the start ask my partner to select which part she wants to accomplish, then ask her to prepare it on her own before the lab. This way, it forces her to read, and think about what she will do the next day. If she has questions, than it can be addressed before the lab. Also, I’ll make it clear that I depend on her to complete those tasks. I’ll also have a chat with her indicating that I’ve been controlling too much the process, that it’s not healthy, and that I have to readjust the course.
I know she’ll be appreciative of my reaching out for her advice, and talking about the elephant in the room. I want to nurture this new friendship, and I want to make decisions that will enhance both our successes. I also want our teacher to know that we can do better than that. We’re a team, and we’ll make it as a team.
In the meant time, I’m recovering. I came home early, and slept like a log till now. I’m glad I have this blog to air out my concerns, feelings , and thoughts. Writing about what happened has helped me shed light on my unease. I’ll clean up my mess tomorrow, and we’ll reorganize in a more balanced way. I don’t need to save her, or baby her. She can handle it. And most importantly, I can handle it. I have to remember the wise quote: “Who are you trying to save?” Most of the time, when we try to “save” some else, we’re infact trying to save ourselves.
