A new start
Tomorrow school officially starts again, and hopefully I can use a private study room. With the new covid restrictions it’s hard to tell what will be allowed, and what won’t. I’m eager to go back to my books, and steep learning curve. Minewhile, I’m tying loose ends from 2021.
There’s a cloud in my sky. As much as the most important aspects of my life are looking up, some of the past is lingering. P did sent me birthday, and Holidays wishes. He’s not trying to get back with me, and I know he’s genuinely trying to be nice, but any messages from him triggers inner turmoil in me. I sent him a message this morning to thank him for his kind words, but to limit his interactions to what’s truly necessary.
Since he assisted with some of my IT needs in the past, he may have to contact me to update me on certain things. I’m fine with that, but I can’t pretend to be friends like nothing happened. Anything related to him, an image, a song, or a memory awakes deep pain. I gave my all to that relationship, and it didn’t turn out. It sucks, but that’s life. Moving on has been incredibly hard. Not being constantly brought back to this romantic tragedy helps. He gets it, and he won’t reach out unless really necessary.
2021 was a difficult year emotionally, closing this book feels good. I want all my energy, and focus on school. Since my relationships never led me anywhere, I want to make my path on my own. Rebuilding my life to match my needs, and dreams is what matters most. I wish I would have found companionship, but we can’t have everything we desire sometimes. I found financial security, great friends, a fascinating study journey, and emotional stability. I must stay presnet that those achievements are massive. Relationships are essential to one’s happiness, in time, I’ll find a partner. For now, peace is what I need.