After writing my blog post in the bus last night, I got home, and performed my candle light relaxation before bed routine. All seemed to go as normal, but I couldn’t stop thinking about my ex, P. He is in my mind very often, though the urge to cry has subsided in the past month or so. Yesterday though, tears came back, and I was very puzzled as to why I was back to that emotional place.

Thanks to Dr. Perry and Oprah’s book, “What Happened to You,” I connected the dots pretty quickly before sleeping. In the morning, it was the anniversary of a subscription I bought with P as a birthday gift last year. The subscription wasn’t of great importance to me, but the simple reminder received by email first thing in the morning triggered memories. It triggered enough memories to write a retrospect post yesterday. It’s only when I was alone with myself, and without distraction that the sadness emerged.

Neurologically, the more primitive parts of our brains doesn’t understand time. The visceral parts of our cortex that stores our poignant emotions can get activated regardless the amount of time that has past, and it happened to me about 24 hours ago. The activating part of this event lays in the fact that I was envisioning contacting him to make sure the paiement wouldn’t pass on his credit card since he bought the subscription for me initially. After verification of my account settings, it wasn’t the case, and could rest at ease. Nevertheless, hours after clearing that out of the way, I cried as illogical as it seemed.

With a understanding of the mechanisms at work, and a sleeping aid, I woke up fine with no residual of the previous night’s turmoil. I audio read some more of Oprah’s book, and this is becoming my favourite neurology book at this point. I’m growing into a whole new level of compassion for myself, and others. A lot is starting to make sense, and the world seems less chaotic with this knowledge. I will recommend this jewel of popular psychology to all my loved ones. This book is healing me day by day.

Gratitude Journal:

I’m grateful for my chemistry teacher’s humour, makes learning fun.

My daily diary as a student entering university for the first time at forty. Growth is my life long quest. Kaizenka, ex-nomade, foodie, and health nerd.