Another day ending in disappointment

I wish I get a day where I can complete everything I have planned on my study list. Unfortunately, it hasn’t happened yet, and I’m a month in my semester. When I see the students just flying through this, I wonder: how do their brains work to assimilate so much information so quickly?

I’ve always been a slow reader, but thought I was a decently fast learner. My perception of my skills has been dramatically reshaped at this point, and I’m reevaluating my career accomplishments. I did work in positions that reached large pools of potential candidates, and I can now see that it’s because they were relatively simple jobs. Massage therapy was an easy program even condensed in 6 months. A little bit of reading was all that was needed to master the content.

University students in science function at a whole other level. That kind of intellect is rare, yet I see hundreds of students in my department and I know hundred of thousands of students follow this program around the world. A decent percentage of them do go through it easily. There’s always the exception of the gifted, still, a good percentage of science students navigate their studies with ease.

I can’t help but question my abilities. Every day, all the time. Mid-terms will be the decisive point to see how far behind I am. I’m terrified, everyday; clinched jaw, shoulders up to my ears, caved in tired eyes, and with a perpetual tight throat. It’s horrible not to know what will happen next of my life plan. I just can’t wait for my handicap certificat to be approved by the government to guarantee I can reduce my course load to 2 a semester, and solely worry about those for the next 2 years.

Gratitude Journal:

I’m grateful my teeth haven’t shared at the amount of pressure they get from my stressed out jaw.

My daily diary as a student entering university for the first time at forty. Growth is my life long quest. Kaizenka, ex-nomade, foodie, and health nerd.