That’s my final grade in both classes. Not bad, but I prefer standing in the A realm. I chose to prioritize my health, and manage my stress which is definitely a worthy goal so I’m not being overly critical of my performance. Also, my gpa is 4.15 on 4.30, an invivable quote for many students.
As much as I enjoy my A+ grade in biology from the first semester, I also burned myself out, and couldn’t keep up with the following semester. My objectives are sustainability, and consistency. Unless I can maintain reliable focus, and energy, I won’t be adding any pressure on my back. It’s hard because my perfectionism is acting out big time. I want to be great, and I want to give my all. Unfortunately, it’s not a viable plan for a marathon of 10 years of upcoming studies.
Learning to self-regulate, and planning for the future are still new skills I’m trying to master. A mix of ignorance, and mental illness did keep me away from finding stability modt of my life. I’ve realized that long term success is an outcome of emotional maturity. The best performing students are capable of delaying gratification, manage their expectations, make responsible choices, and self-motivate. Without emotional maturity, theise skills are out of reach.
Talking of emotional maturity, as much as I keep bringing my mind in the present moment, my brain is under siege with infatuation. Luckily, the book, “The journey from abandonment to healing,” comes to the rescue once more. Infatuation is the byproduct of the fear of abandonment. So if we heal that part of ourselves, we can find a balance between healthy attachment, and separateness. It’s hard because my wounds from my past relationship are not fully healed let alone my childhood abandonment issues. It’s important to know that the abandonment I’m referring too is not in the strict definition of being parentless. Abandonment is an experience we all go through when we loose someone dear, or don’t get the affection we wish for. The definition of abandonment of Susan Anderson is very broad, and intended to cover the multiple scenarios in which we feel left out. Her book is remarkably insightful about the neurology of relational stress. I’m discovering more, and more elements of what created my emotional disfunctions. I can feel a new level of self-awareness rising. I hope St reads it too, it’s an important book to learn how to properly manage emotional needs. I will suggest it in my next talk.
With all that being said, I’m going to bed nice, and early to make sure I can perform well in my studies tomorrow. Last night was divided unfortunately, and I want to ensure more continuity in my sleep cycle tonight. Time to put on relaxation music, and let my mind wander off to soft dreams.