Back on track
Thank higher power for having slept well last night! I managed to tackle a lot of studies today, and I feel ready to start again. Also the good news that I had the highest grade in my biology class this morning, at 94%, made me really happy. I’m still waiting on my chemistry grade, but regardless, I was back studying this difficult subject early in the day.
I intellectually understand the importance of rest, but when I care so much about a good outcome, I panic, and over do it. I’ve invented my little reminder to not anxiety do such as: anxiety pack, anxiety shop, anxiety study, etc, to tame this pattern. It still remains difficult to implement it when caught up in the middle of an emotional sh** storm. When I care about something, I really really really care. Gaining confidence in my abilities is a work in progress.
In the past, I didn’t prepare diligently, nor worked to build the foundations to succeed at what I wanted. I’ve let myself down on many occasions. As a kid, I was a master false promises maker. I know how careless, and unrealistic I can get, hence doubling down on my homework efforts now. We learn and we grow no matter how old. It took me a while though, but I’m starting to get it.
Between the relentless grind fantasy, and the immature delusion of instant mastery, the doldrums of micro-improvements is much less popular. Luckily, reading the right authors thought me it’s the only road to true achievements. My emotional struggles with constant efforts needed a lot of reframing to accept that fact, and still do.
In a society selling so many illusions of instant gratification, and not having been properly helped with my difficulties as a child, I failed to understand what created lasting success. I’m glad that I can change my ways, even at forty, and have a shot at reaching my goals.
Building on my current achievements, I will use this momentum to continue rewriting my life script. From under delivering to consistently delivering, for me, that’s a dream come true.
