Eagerly waiting
I haven’t had an answer for my apartment application yet. The add is offline which is a very good sign, and I’m hoping for the best. My productivity levels are rising day by day while respecting my sleep schedule. I was very uncertain about my ADD medication, and was ready to leave it aside, but it seems I’m now well adjusted. I’ll see how exams are going to go, and make my final decision then.
My emotions are central for my capacity to think, and memorize. It’s an obvious statement, but for a disregulated brain with an over reactive amygdala, it takes a whole other meaning. The excessive response hijacking any rationale when triggered with stress is beyond debilitating. The fight, flight, or freeze insticts kick in, and any attempt at making sense of the world flies off the window. Medication or not, if I my stress response is on red alert, nothing will make me learn anything.
“The stress-proof brain” book, from Melanie Greenberg has helped me a lot this month. I was fairly aware of the various mechanism behind stress, but she brilliantly connects all the pieces together to give a comprehensive, and accurate picture of the neurology of our instinctive responses. Plus, she gives short, and to the point meditation, and visualizing tools that helps me center myself before or after school in the bus.
On the topic of mental health, I was the last, and only participant left from my management of depression symptoms workshop today as we concluded. It was great to come back on all elements studied through out the semester. This seminar has been a good way to review material I knew, but may not have sufficiently used over the years. I gave my piece of advice on how to improve this service from the psychology department of my university. Shorter, constant, weekly sessions would have been more helpful. If it could be ongoing with a drop-in format, it would be marvelous. But, to chunck it down to smaller pieces would be the best improvement.
Taking 3 hours from a student’s schedule during an energetic time of the day is a lot. To struggle with the fatigue, and discouragement of depression on top of it makes it almost impossible hence the decrease in participation week after week. When I mentioned the format to a friend who struggles with depression, he immediately assessed that the organizers were completely out of touch with the reality of a depressed person, not to mention of a student. He did recommand not to stick around to long in the mediocre university’s workshop. Unfortunately, it’s a hit and miss situation when attending a seminar in my school. As he reminded me, my time is precious, and can never be refunded.
Going back to the conventional one-on-one weekly consultations is the plan for my emotional gym of the months to come. Until further notice, I will keep that format. The coordinator’s of the workshop did indicate they can refer me to various therapists in the region that may meet my requirements. I’ll start the hunt for a good shrink soon. Making sure I have a roof over my head past July first, and succeeding at my finals is the priority for now. I’ll stay optimistic for the answer I’m awaiting on the studio I’ve applied for. My fingers, and toes are still crossed.
