Fearful, but persevering
This weeks classes are using mathematical operations that I just haven’t been able to figure out yet. As a result, my fear makes me more avoidant, and it makes studying increasingly hard. I hope I can have a breakthrough during tutoring tomorrow, this is making me really anxious.
During Fall, and Winter terms, the math aide center is open, and I get to ongoing support every step of the way. Right now, I feel helpless. Actually, writing about my fears is enlightening me as I’m writing. I should turn to my friends that are able to support me. My current tutor is available past 3:30 pm wish is fairly late in the day for me. I usually loose my energy around 5 pm, so trying to wait for him to be free is a bit challenging.
Still, if I’m really stuck, I can hire my regular math tutor for on-demand tutoring. It will come out of my pocket, but it’s worth it. I have to trust that I will figure it out. What matters most is to keep doing a little bit, as much as I can no matter the issue. As logical all this sounds, my amygdala is not necessarily listening. Hopefully a good night sleep will tame my anxiety.
One positive thing is that St have become more communicative, and getting texts messages everyday feels good. No matter how simple, it still lights my day. My tarot deck reiterated it’s appreciation of St. Unbelievably positive cards keep showing up in my readings. It feels good that it seems to go well for once. Again, tarot is nothing to base my decision on, but it’s making smile right now. What counts is that this romantic start stays enjoyable, and beneficial.
No matter how much school demands of me, I have to keep some time for me, and my needs, including my social needs.