Fully assumed nerdism
Because of my learning disabilities, I thought I wasn’t smart enough to be part of the top student's cool click. I can see now that it’s a heart matter much more than intellectual prowess. I remember being approached by some of the students I admired in the high grades groups but had so little self-confidence that I would sabotage the attempts to be integrated. I wish I would have known what I know now. All the sexy nerds I could have dated, I could even have been in a stable relationship. I can play the “what if” game for days, but I accept that the course my life has taken was to build a much stronger woman I ever thought I could be.
I’m in advance on my some work, that’s a first-ever! Even while studying physiology for massage therapy ten years ago, I would barely keep up no matter how much I liked it. This is so cool! Like, I’m doing more just cause it’s fun. For having known the hardship of boring jobs and intellectually depleting work, learning is the greatest pleasure.
I used to be so self-conscious that I wasn’t well-read before, and in the past six months, I’ve caught up so much on my literature. A lifelong complex has been lifted, and for some magical reason (self-confidence really), I no longer battle with my learning disability. I noticed in my brokerage and massage studies that I was a fairly good student, but it was hard to evaluate where I stood being out of the conventional education system. Revisiting old subjects from the years, I use to be less confident in my learning shows me that there was a hidden gem underneath the self-doubt. It allows me to look back on my youth with more compassion and understanding. Many of the circumstances that hindered my learning were out of my control, and I was too young to manage the stress load I was dealing with on my own.
This new view of my past allows me to rewrite a future that brings me so much more joy. A future in which my fears won’t limit my intellect. I know I’ve been feeding some narcissistic trend in my blogging lately, and I apologize if my readers are getting fed up. The best way I can explain my excitement is if, for the first, time could fly. Imagine you’ve spent half of your existence stuck to the ground with gravity weighing on you, and all of a sudden, you're as light as a feather. Just like that! I’m sure that if it were to happen to you, you would probably rave about it for a while. Well, this my while.
