Grieving resembles Groundhog Day

My counsellor came up with such a good analogy when it comes to grieving. Each day looks fairly alike, and you go through similar repetitions of your moods, but each time it’s a little different as you move towards the end of the process. She’s proud of my progress and how well I’m attending to my physical and emotional needs with healthy foods, self-pampering, walks, audiobooks and writing. Now the next step is to work on my social connections.

Most of my social needs were met by my ex for the past year due to the pandemic, but also my chronic fatigue left me with little energy to spare. I’m looking at who I want to reach out to among my 2017 friend circle from when I was established here before I started my nomadic lifestyle. It was a difficult time back then and I fear I may not have been the best of friends. I’m anxious as I fear rejection or criticism though, I think I may be over-worrying.

I’ve cultivated very sporadic friendships in the past and it always has been hard to maintain my connections over time though I’m must attend to my relationships as they are a critical part of a healthy life. I’m confronted with the fact that I’m often self-centred and opportunistic. I usually push my agendas, particularly when it comes to pursuing my career goals and can come across as opportunistic or using people. I also had difficulties regulating my feelings as I underwent difficult events and had been criticized for being overly emotional. It’s my personal hypothesis though I do want to ask more questions to my friends on how they feel about me. I want to find out how they perceive me and what I should improve in my behaviours.

In the meantime, I have to tackle some work for the upcoming days which will demand a fair amount of energy. Once my schedule lightens up I will send messages to reconnect to those I care for the most. Now come to think of it, I was working all the time 4 years ago and it was hard to free myself for interpersonal interactions. Yet another factor in the deterioration of my social circle. With mindful efforts and focusing on listening more, I hope I can find support from trusted people. My best friend is still awesome and has been amazing at cheering me up, but he’s on the other side of the Rocky mountains. It will be a while before we can see each other face-to-face and share a big hug.

On another tangent, my current audio reading “Eat Smarter” by Shawn Stevenson is bringing to light very interesting facets of calory counting. In other words, calories are a very inaccurate method of averaging our food energetic intake. I’m eager to find out more about his approach to dietary tracking. The more up-to-date, the better.

Foodie mad-science, health nerd, Kaizenka and heartfelt introspection. My sense of humour tells me I must have been a dad in a past life.