Dec 22, 2021
Imposed discipline
I’m sad, I didn’t do as well as I wished on my chemistry exam. My brain wasn’t cooperating, and I messed up a big question. The rest is okay, but I won’t be reaching a grade of 80%. It’s frustrating, but it’s teaching me an important lesson: I can no longer count on pushing through tough times. Chronic fatigue has set new rules in my life. I’m left with no other reasonable alternative, but to plan well ahead, and do what I’m supposed to do early.
My usual wishful thinking won’t find its way in my scheduling anymore — which is a great thing. On the occasions I should work, but don’t feel like it, I will. I will try my best even if my brain is uncooperative. Yesterday, I really put in my best as well as this morning at the exam. Still, I know I dragged my feet the weeks prior. A whole new study strategy is now coming to mind. A series of bite size chunks organized right when areas of difficulty get detected from day one. No waiting to see, or coming back to it later. Also, I will organize constant reviewing so that revision for exams is short. Of course there will be plenty of current homework to do, but just an hour or so a week will pay off immensely at the end of the semester. Compounded studies.
As an adventurous nomad who loves the unpredictable, this is incredibly hard. The reason why I never exercised more self-discipline is that I always had secondary options that where decent enough for me to succeed. Unfortunately, with the small amount of energy I now function on, options are extremely limited, and being organized is the route.
Another variable I need to take account for. And it’s my wake up time. As much as I worked on improving it in the past month, it’s still not enough. I have to reach the goal to be alert, and ready at 9 am, ether for a class or an exam like this morning. I went to bed at 10 pm, but my thoughts fooled around for hours before I fell asleep. No matter if I exercised my breathing techniques, or maximized my sleeping environment, my biological clock needs to be efficiently reset. Having done a bit of research on the subject online, and having implemented most of the book’s, “Sleep smarter", advice my body has one of those stubborn circadian rhythm. For reasons not yet fully known, certain people will have a late clock all their life no matter what they try. I know my body wants to sleep later, and wake up later naturally, but it’s time I find yet an other way to defeat this cycle.
Challenges bring more challenges. The first part depends on my will power, which I fully control. My biological clock is an other ballgame. I guess my new year’s resolutions are set, and I know what to focus on before going back to school.
