Laughter is in my everyday
Thanks to St, I laugh every single day since we started interacting on a daily. We effortlessly cohabit, and go about our days. There’s a natural flow between us that just is. Most importantly, we have an endless pool of nonsense we dive in when we goof around. There’s nothing better than bursting into laughter, and wiping tears of laughter in the middle of sexy time.
Silliness, and all, he is my best friend. We talked about how the memories of P were lingering. Not in a positive way, I’m absolutely clear P didn’t respect me, and didn’t feel as deeply as he said he did. When you truly love someone, you don’t lead them on for close to two years, and you don’t bail out at the last minute with lame excuses. One can only love others as much as they love themselves.
Still, many parts of my heart remain tainted by P; romantic phrases have kept an echo of him. I hate that when I express my affection words to St, I can’t help but remember I said those things to someone else believing them wholeheartedly. It’s a reality of relationships that disheartens me.
Eventually, those love words will resonate in my heart, mind, body, and soul solely for St in the future. For now, a little nasty inner Gremlin keeps saying: “liar!” I’ve said “I love you” to other, and it didn’t turn out. This sense of being a fraud is destabilizing.
St has asked me to be kind, and patient with myself. He knows I’ve been through a lot. He understands I gave it my all before. Time heals all wounds, and time St is giving me generously.