Love is the greatest gift, and the greatest loss when it’s gone.
From the outside, this was a typical Tuesday. I had a fantastic counselling session, chatted with a Singapore friend, listened to stimulating audiobooks, enjoyed a walk, ate well and everything was running smoothly, from a distance. It’s the first time in 2 weeks I’ve missed my ex so deeply. I think of him each day and feel sadness to various degrees, but today was tuff.
Have you ever gazed into someone’s eyes so deeply that you can’t fall asleep for days? Would the very thought of that person give you enough energy to run up cliffs and sets of long steep stairs effortlessly? Did your entire existence finally made sense like a karmic destiny coming together? I may have stayed away from romantic writing at first because I originally wanted this blog to be focused on physical health, but emotional health is equally important and deep meaningful relationships are the key to our wellbeing.
There’s a reason why Dr. Vivek Murthy, USA’s 21st surgeon general, primary health concern for his country is loneliness. We are social beings and our entire metabolism evolved around our most important survival skill: connection. We are hard-wired to seek and maintain bonds with the individuals closest to us — our survival depends on it from infancy until our very last breath. We can no longer afford to let defunct stereotypes about adulthood and autonomy ruin our lives simply to abide by individualism’s ideals. I certainly can not maintain proper health without addressing my fundamental needs for companionship.
To feel oneness to the degree I described earlier is not something that can be substituted easily. I’m working on my friendships and I’ve used on occasions a vibrating assistant to try to fill the void. Nonetheless, it doesn’t replace him and nothing ever will. He is unique and our relationship is irreplaceable. The bar has been set incredibly high for whoever may attempt to enter my intimacy in the future, and I do worry that I may never be able to find a satisfying romantic relationship. At the moment, I’m not in the mood to flirt nor frolic. It will take many months to have a sense of balance and probably years before I can commit again.
Even if I know I made the right decision to stand for my values and walk away from an unacceptable situation, even if my closest friends agree with my choice and support me, even if I stay busy and propel my healing in any way I can, I still miss him. every. single. day.