Many little projects inspiring future large ones.
From finishing our Halloween costumes, to little bits of homework, to my parents birthdays, to continuing my closet building, to organizing the house, taking care of my health, and maintaining my plants, my to-do list seems endless, and perpetually growing. It’s the complaint of the modern era, the feeling that work keeps piling up endlessly.
Some psychological work is required when it comes to my relationship with responsibilities, expectations, and ambitions. I’m at the heart of this discouraging perspective, and finding balance is necessary. I keep escaping in bucolic fantasies, yet the country side is a lot of work, and is no more relaxing, but it might be more regulating. Our biology has evolved around natural cycles, and tasks associated to the land. If I go to a less technological life, more physical work will be involved. It wouldn’t be a bad thing right now considering my total lack of physical activity.
Two aspects of myself are fully expressed at the moment: the student, and the builder. The more I stuff my head with knowledge, the more I feel compelled to create with my hands. My up coming Halloween party has been the perfect excuse to run around the house to gather tools, and materials to tweak our costumes. I enjoy materializing the fruits of my imagination.
The current documentary/tv series St, and I are watching right now is so inspiring. It’s about revolutionary homes, and their builders. In each episode, I hear my own words, and thoughts. It seems these visionaries share all my profound values about the environment, and the way to craft a life that represent you. I keep exclaiming: “yes, exactly that!” St’s quite entertained by my enthusiasme, but he also recognizes my free spirit in the stories told. I wonder if he’ll ever be able to fully understand the multiplicity of life experiences I lived. The sheer excess of people I interacted with. Listening to people on a screen that have experienced parts of what I’ve gone through, and fueled their creativity with it is resonating deeply.
My ideas or accomplishments most likely won’t make it on a screen, and it doesn’t matter because fame is not my pursuit. Being able to witness like minded individuals achieve their dreams of independence, and care tthroughthe creation of a home has every cell in my body vibrate with excitement. It’s not an urge, but more the mouvement of massive undercurrents slowly shifting all aspects of my life in a direction. I’ve been longing for self-reliance, and a sustainable home. This dream is getting closer with in reach — but it’s a long term dream. In the immediate, my future career in microbiology research is the main focus. My home will take its shape in due time.
