Nov 1, 2021
Missy Cranky pants
Things were going so well yesterday, but a poor night sleep due to a noisy neighbor, and a full day of rain were enough to brake my momentum. I wish I could change my mood on demand, and I tried my best. From good food, to journaling, to inner negotiation, nothing worked. It’s hard to accept those days where even with my best efforts, my depression wins.
I’ve explored multiple options to soundproof my sleep, and even walked to the hardware store in the rain to look at soundproofing material. I’ve come up with solutions with things I already have. I could implement those solutions, if only my motivation would cooperate. Patience is my best option at the moment.
The older I get, the more stubborn my inner donkey gets; hooves digged firmly in the ground determine not to move an inch. That’s my procrastination right there, and it gave me it’s best stubborness performance. Other than basic small things, I didn’t accomplish much.
Pre-pandemic, I would take upon business projects that created enough stress to get me going everyday. Unfortunately, it also burned me out. Why, can’t I just be productive like everyone else? Yes, I keep pushing myself, and I work on creating sustained routines, and I take my meds, and I do therapy, and I watch what I eat, and the list goes on. Still, I get stupid lazy days. Uhg!
Well, school is starting again, I’ll be stressed enough to do things every day once more, and I’ll grow increasingly tired before the next break. I wont have the luxury of a sloth day till the Holidays. I’m mot happy with today, but I have to accept it. Tomorrow, fear will kick my ass into action once more. Maybe it’s because I know how hard it will be to study for the up coming month and a half that my inner donkey claimed a day off. For now, time to sleep this crappy day away, and start fresh.
