Jun 12, 2021
Nothing else = never again.
As I’m preparing for the visit of my new flame tomorrow, my heart is still processing past feelings. Luckily, he’s incredibly understanding of my predicament and has shown wonderful patience and support in my healing process. I’ve been thinking of writing this piece for a few days and was wondering if I should post it on the anniversary date of my previous relationship. Reflecting on it, I think it’s best to create a clean canvas for the one that has chosen me now and give him space in my life and heart. We finally will reunite face-face, and for the first time, in each other's intimacy. I want to give him that gift of my full presence. Therefore, I am letting go.
My ex chose to have nothing else to say. Despite my best efforts to reopen the dialogue, he chose to close the door. Regardless of the beauty, the intensity and the depth of our feelings, he chose not to continue. In light of all the work I put in my counsel to help him with his difficult situation, he chose not to follow my advice. Even if I told him where and when I would draw the line, he chose to cross it anyway. As much as I tried to bring closure, he chose to stay in the stoborness of his silence. He chose to reject me. He chose to walk away. He chose to end our love. He chose never again. It was his choice, and I have to accept it.
Of course I’m rationalizing, and justifying not to feel guilty for being involved in a new relationship so fast. I wasn’t yet ready for a new start, but life granted me my wish, and I grabbed the present before it could flee. Things don’t always line up perfectly — life is messy. It’s my job to stay alter on the moving sea of events and catch the bounties life sporadically offers.
I was granted a beautiful new start. Even if the last one was the most extraordinary of my life, it no longer is. I have to. Let go…
Someone dear deserves respect and attention—time to turn fully towards him and walk forward without looking back.
