Finally, my chemistry maths are improving! I moved forward well in my studies today, and I feel confident that I will succeed at my midterm exam. Also, I got 86% in my last linear algebra homework, woot woot! I worked so incredibly hard to get to this point, I’m so relieved it’s paying off. Most importantly I managed to approach the issue of my lab partner not contributing enough respectfully, and constructively.
We met to study together at her place, and it was very productive, and helpful. Not only I didn’t lose this new friendship, but it grown stronger. It’s awesome. I can further prepare for my exam on Wednesday with a happy heart, and a peaceful mind.
In order to properly perform, I did put on hold my apartment search. I don’t know if I’ll be able to find a studio within my price range as they seem to get rented really fast. I do see an abundance of roommate requests. I’m starting to consider that option so I can secure a low rent that allows for my furniture to follow me. Unfortunately, the small spaces closest to the university are all fully furnished. I could put my things in storage, but I’d like to set my place up with souvenirs, and art.
On the health front, I’m sleeping much better, and I have a decent amount of energy everyday. It seems the neurostimulants boosted my brain, and kicked off some of my chronic fatigue. On another hand though, I don’t think I’m a neurological ADD person, but rather an emotional ADD sufferer. In the book, “What Happened To You”, Dr. Perry explains that a lot of traumatized children are misdiagnosed with ADD when in reality they need emotional healing. There were many reasons to want to escape my reality as a child, and my daydreams were much more of a copping mechanism than a neurological defect.
Also, the intensity of the situation I had to face did trigger some PTSD. I remember how much I was shaking, and how tight my throat would get when I would go for writing tutoring back in art school. I wasn’t aware than of the symptoms of PTSD, but I now know that it definitely was signs of struggling with trauma. The combination of emotional pain, and the confusion of deep fear has considerably affected my ability to focus. Mixes with extrem negative slef-talk, and low self-esteem, the recipe for an ADD like behaviour was complete.
I’m not sure how much I will use neurostimulants on the future. I actually becomeoee forgetful when using them than not. Things I never forgot such as running focet, food left on the counter have, or parts of my beauty routine are happening increasingly. Even with a lot on my mind, and a busier schedule, I used to manage daily tasks just fine before. I don’t my ADD meds to really help my focus, but rather energise, and motivate me. It definitely is taming the chronic fatigue, and does help me sleep more profoundly at night. I’ll see how it goes. For now, I’m a short release minimal does, and it’s good enough. Since caffeine has never been kind to my digestive tract, this is a gentle way to activate my days.
I will go to bed soon, but I’ll try to do a few more chemistry exercises before. It feels so incredibly good to understand what I’m learning. I’m in university for my own fulfillment, to master what I learn is my priority, not just getting a piece of paper. Growing smarter day by day rocks!