Progress, that’s all I can achieve for now.

I’m going back to weekly counseling with my online shrink, and even after consulting with her yesterday, I was devastated. It’s hard to accept failure, especially when you see it coming and you just have to bare with it till time becomes possible to correct it. No matter how I try to rationalize this, every part of me is fighting it. I have to judge myself in progress, but I’m one to judge on end results.

Not to worry, I’m reorganising and find other ways to keep my student financial support while reducing my course load. It will happen, but the process to go through the bureaucratic loops takes time. If all goes well, I should be able to keep and focus only on the two courses that I’ve prioritize, and let go of the rest for this semester without any impact on my finances due to my handicap. I’m crossing my fingers and praying to god it all goes well.

I’ve even explored my options in doing highschool classes only, but they are not financially supported by the government. I’m try to figure the optimal setting that will give me the time to blast through highschool stuff while being considered a university student. To be continued.

I’m exhausted, beaten down, frustrated, discouraged and sad. Still, I want to study and get to the point I can learn about the human microbiome. I don’t care how long it will take, this is my only goal from now on. It matters to me and it matters for the health of women and children. It has to get done.

Gratitude Journal:

I’m grateful for my passionate nature that just want things really badly.



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Judith's Squirrels

Daily diary of a student entering university at forty. Just writing for me. Kaizenka, ex-nomade, foodie, and health nerd.