Wrapped in my warm bathrob, sitting in bed for most of the day, I combined the cocooning vibe of a Sunday with studying. I’m happy to discover that reading my chemistry book is now a comforting activity. If you would have told me in September that I would relax reading my chemistry material, I would have forced you to check yourself in a mental hospital. From sleepless nights trying to understand this subject to reviewing the concepts with ease as a form of relaxation exhibits a speed of learning I couldn’t have predicted in a million years.

Since all the chapters were covered in class, and I’m preparing for the final, I’m not dreading the work anymore. I showed myself I could do it in my midterm, and I know how to do it again. Also, I stopped making myself suffer so much in the process. I don’t need to treat myself harshly to obtain results, or run on shear fear. A positive approach does work, and it leaves me energized, and healthy at the end of it all.

Incorporating self-love and self-care in my schooling process as paid off beyond my expectations. I’m wondering if I could achieve my dream of becoming a full pledged nerd who thrives doing homework. If I become a nerdy girl, I think I’ll want to kiss myself when I look in the mirror. I’ve spent my life admiring A students who have fun at school. I’ve always taken pride in my learning, but I often struggled. If it was to become somewhat effortless due to my passion, it would be a miracle.

That would mean being a professional student wouldn’t feel like work, and I would be able to free my soul of so much suffering. From what I’m starting to notice, I think I can achieve that dream. Gosh, I’m blushing at the fact I would become one of those sexy juicy smart brains I adore. I feel like a teenager who got a makeover, and is all shy knowing she’ll attract positive attention.

A forty years old girl is allowed to dream. For now, I’ll enjoy this peaceful moment with my brain cooperating me. It will be a relatively busy week with a small lab on Friday. Everything is coming at a manageable pace, thankfully. When I started the semester, becoming a female microbiome specialist was my drive , and still is — but now — becoming a sexy nerd totally bedazzles my inner teenager.

Gratitude Journal:

I’m grateful that my brain has been cooperating this weekend.

My daily diary as a student entering university for the first time at forty. Growth is my life long quest. Kaizenka, ex-nomade, foodie, and health nerd.