The comfort of the underdog
I adore reinventing myself. Starting from scratch and reshaping my career, life, goals, social circles and even personality traits. It’s a wonderful way to constantly challenge myself and grow but it’s also a devious way to stay in the non threatening shade of the novice. Staying away from confronting criticism is easy when you’re new at something, or at least, the criticism seems more bearable since you’re in your learning curve. What if I was to stick around in a field long enough to endure the heat of being relied on as a specialist? Making mistakes when others hold you in estime for your talent is very scary, scary enough to want to get out and dare one’s chances at a new activity.
I fall in that category. Bluntly, I’m guilty of enjoying the underdog status a little too much and a part of my growth has been hindered in that way. Resolving new problems is fun but sustaining performance over time is even harder in my experience. After the initial excitement of the beginning, when the routine sets in and ongoing unpleasant circumstances set in. How do I manage that? Sincerely, I don’t know because I never stuck around long enough in work, love or friendships. I even moved 2 times zones away from my family with which I have limited contact. My pattern is quite easy to spot, but how can I let go of the addictive excitement of constant renewal?
The past year economical changes and overall world transformation did give me the motivation to relax and build something more stable. I believe we have more options than ever but it may become increasingly hard to shift lanes over time in one’s career. Or maybe I reached the age where bouncing from one job to the next ain’t so cool anymore. Retirement is not much of a concern more than over all safety. In times of uncertainty, I like the advice of finding protection by selecting a group with whom you want to weave ties. I know that the social strata I want to be a part of is the scientific community. It’s not a stereotypical strata per se though I embrace the societal value of those who know how the world works and can bend it to its will — figuratively… Yet sciences are essential in today’s world and I want to be part of those who are needed. But going for academic recognition will put me on the competence spotlight and I may have to learn to own up to my actions.