The great reprograming
This is real — it has started. I have to reorganize my mental imaging to embrace the new face of love in my life.
I knew it would be challenging since I hadn’t fully completed my last relationship mourning, and I still have strong feelings for my ex. Feelings can’t respond on command; it takes time for the theme to settle. I made the conscious choice this week to let go of the old and welcome the new in my life: now I have to allow the process to take place.
I told L how uncomfortable it is to still see my ex’s gaze in my mind or expect his touch or voice. Meeting my new flame at the airport created a flood of nostalgia, where memories of my many trips and time spent with my ex at various airports in Canada. The past excitement of my now-ended nomadic relationship bleeds over the new enthusiasm of this first date with L. I dislike that L can’t have his own glorious moment for the wonderful person he is in this new beginning. Luckily, he has enough relationship and life experience to understand my position.
He’s so grateful that I’m honest and authentic about my current dissonant feelings, and he’s listening to all of it with love and kindness. I am blessed. I’m a no filter, everything on the table, can’t keep a secret kind of person and to be not only accepted but encouraged to be myself is such a relief. There’s no way any of my past insecure partners would have been able to do this. It’s probably the greatest thing that came out of our first few hours in each other presence, to the exception of the wonderful physical intimacy we have started to build. I guess him embracing my situation wholeheartedly is his own glorious moment in a way, and maybe for the best.
Thanks to the binge readings of my broken heart lockdown time earlier this year, I have readjusted my views on relationships, and I’m successfully implementing my new knowledge to my budding love. It works, and it rocks! Science-backed psychology works, and it’s a simple matter to be willing to change our way. Yes, it is uncomfortable to be in new circumstances, but it’s the only way to grow and reach for what we want. One day at a time, my dreams become more real, one baby step at a time.
P.S. Totally on top of schoolwork, so much so I can afford to travel within my area during my boo’s visit.
