The loneliness factor
I’ve been devouring Dr. Vivek Murthy’s book, “Together”, on audio for the past 2 days and it’s unbelievably insightful. I got the confirmation for many of my intuitions on today’s social behaviours and learned surprising facts about the evolutionary necessity of close bounds. With complete fascination, I’m expanding my comprehension of humanity but I’m also confronted by a life-long struggle: loneliness.
I was shy and very isolated as a child and having lived in 2 different cultures, I belong to nether. Adding to my social unpopularity, my parent’s ongoing arguments and the high-stress levels in my household gave fertile ground for my dysthymia to grow. I now better understand the correlation between isolation and depression, and how deeply intertwined these situations are.
Throughout my life, I’ve changed my social circle regularly, leaving behind coworkers, schoolmates or friends as my activities, relationships and residences kept changing. I can’t recall if there was a 3 months period where no major change occurred. I’ve perpetuated this trimestrial pattern since I was eighteen and have yet to see if it will change. It allowed me to explore an insanely large array of experiences but it came at a cost that has caught up with me last year. My past year’s chronic fatigue has been rooted in my burnout/depression for the most part I finally concluded after many months of investigation. It was the first time my body had been debilitated to that extent by a psychological state.
What I didn’t realize is how much of a mental health deteriorating factor loneliness is and I still stand in disbelief of the ramification and ravages it causes in our modern society. As I was caught up in the social media induced rat race for about 3 years, I lost sight of myself and drove my health to the brink. When I crashed in March 2020 as I was forced to stop by the pandemic, never before did I find myself so debilitated. 14 hours of sleep would do nothing for my energy levels and awkward hormonal unbalances caused a strange reaction in my breast. Something my doctor couldn’t explain even after all the tests we did and is still a mystery to this day.
Even if it caught me off guard, my condition was in the making for about 5 years prior to my collapse. From draining dysfunctional relationships to a falling out with the community I was close to in extremely unfair circumstances, I gradually started travelling more and more, meeting tones of new people but not creating lasting bonds with anyone. I started watching Netflix every time I was alone to feel less alienated. Without the soothing voices of the characters of my favourite series, I couldn’t fall asleep nor relax. When I met a stable partner, I finally could let go of this compensation addiction.
Last year, as much as I slept a lot, I would wake up frequently throughout the night and learned today it was a common symptom of loneliness. I would have never put the two together though research has proved it in multiple studies as Dr. Murthy assesses. The lack of meaningful relationships leads to a staggering amount of diseases, mental and physical. It’s a dominant factor in depression, anxiety, attention deficit, violence, cardiovascular issues, immune dysfunctions and countless other conditions. Simply catastrophic.
Quantity does not help in the realm of relationships, only quality matters along with face-to-face interactions over digital interactions. Obviously, with the pandemic, we have to make due, but when we can return to physical gatherings again, we need to prioritize in-person visits. In the light of all this information, I now understand better how much the distance between me and my loved ones has affected my health during the pandemic but also during my nomadic years. My fear of abandonment had me avoid committed friendships and ongoing interactions most of my life but more than ever now, I must push past this worry so I can get the best treatment for depression that exists: deep meaningful connections.
I was already aware that good relationships were the key to happiness, as discovered in a Harvard study, and this belief is now reinforced by Dr. Vivek new book. Before, nutrition and exercise, I must prioritize healthy social bonds over the rest. My past 2 months quest in establishing if I’m in a beneficial dynamic with my significant other has taken a critical turn that I must address sooner rather than later. Should I let go of being right to allow closeness or am I trespassing my personal values in a detrimental way? I can’t wait to speak to my counsellor Tuesday.
