Back in 2009, St chose to let me go. He loved me so much that he was willing to let me free. I wasn’t ready, I had to discover myself, and the world. He gave me his love with no expectation of return, even if it meant never to see me again. I didn’t understand what was true love, but what St gave me felt good, it felt right, and it stayed with me.
Detours after detours, up followed by downs, not knowing if I was right or wrong, I wandered. I learned a lot, got hurt many times, but kept getting back up. One memory remained; a best friend of mine showed me what true love was. Ture love is kind, generous, and it never tries to control.
The morning I chose to sever all ties with P that very morning, I contacted St. Deep inside of me, I knew I had gotten the lesson. I was for the first time in my life in St’s position back in 2009, but with very different circumstances. What was similar though is that I had to let go of someone I loved because he wouldn’t love me back. My original message asked for St input on what he lived, and how it felt to let me go. He was generous, and kind enough to meet me to further discuss the subject.
About two months ago, when that life changing message was sent, I couldn’t have predicted what would have happened in the following weeks. All I knew is that if a man like St was to love me, I would love him back without hesitation. St’s wisdom runs deep. He knew careful consideration was necessary. He also had to figure out what he wanted, and not follow imposed stereotypes.
Peeling one layer after the next, we grew in love, and understanding of one another. With honesty, and authenticity our feelings came into focus. It’s now clear. The radiating smile we shared in all our pictures from the late two thousands became undeniable. We were in love, but I didn’t know it. I wouldn’t have been able to see happiness even if it would have been duct taped around my head. I had to approach it from very far, go around it dozens of times, till I finally understood what it was.
Fourteen, and a half year later, I look at one of the very first pictures I took with St. You can see the very back of my teeth as my smile tries to be as wide as the joy I felt in St’s presence. He equally radiates pure happiness in his bright sparkling smiling eyes. Faith unfolds in mysterious ways. The very first Facebook profile picture I used was that picture. My very first social media presence started with him by my side.
This picture is now the one we use for our contact information. Every time I interact with him, I see this snap shot of destiny. The truthfulness of his love had followed me all those years. His good wishes kept me safe. And eventually, I returned. Thank you St for having been the lighthouse. At the end of my twenties, your light allowed me to spread my wings, and explore the world. In my early forties, it’s guiding me back home. I am forever grateful. I love you.