I think I figured out why I’ve spent my weekends in an emotional gutter freaking out about my school performance. On Fridays, my chemistry teacher does online revision classes for our exercises, and he goes so fast over each problems that each time, he makes me feel like I’m utterly inadequate.
Back when I was on the work market, when I was getting trained for a job, I usually had a basic understanding of what I had to do. Most importantly, after the training, you had to be work-ready. By that time, you had to be a fully functional employee. But university is not like that, I have to remember that I in school to learn, not to be perfect.
My chemistry teacher had a career in organic chemistry before he started teaching and he’s been teaching for years. Of course he’s explained and done those calculation hundreds of time. It’s normal he’s going fast. What I need to keep in mind us that nobody expects me to be work-ready after this.
It’s a learning curve, and I have to follow it. I will never be equal to my teacher unless I go through the same education and have as much work experience as he has. Unlike my coworkers from back then that where more experience, yet relatively equally skilled as I was, I will never reach my teachers level unless I choose to go in the field they teach. Most importantly, the university and my teachers expect me to study way longer before becoming really good at their subject.
It’s still painful to see some students are so mich more ahead than me, but I’m still part of the race. This is my journey, it’s messy, and far from perfect, but I have to own it and keep doing my best.
Note to self:
Do NOT do chemistry exercises right after Friday’s class. Wait till my self-esteem is better before continuing with my homework.