What laid underneath
Through conversations with a good friend I realized how many emotions I had suppressed in order to perform in school. The pain of being alone most of the time. My desire to eventually be in a loving relationship, and live with that person. The betrayal I still have to overcome in order to trust someone with my love again. All my time, and efforts have been directed towards my studies, while I've been avoiding looking within.
I'm still processing the tangled mess of my feelings, I'll have to pay more attention to my mental health in the months to come. For now, I need time, and space to let my subconscious bring my turmoil to the surface. Coming to the full awareness of difficult emotions demands patience, and kindness. Certain states can only be lived if the mind feels safe enough to let go. Without forcefulness, I'll embrace what comes to me.
At the moment, I want to sleep, and recover. The first part of my friends, and family visit is complete. Tomorrow, I have the joy of going back to R, and B's family to get some yummy homemade meals, massages, and enriching conversations. Also, it's a quieter environment in which I'll get more rest. I'll make sure to come home early to get at least one me day before school starts again. I need more rest before I can tackle the second half of the semester.