Why uneventful is what I like most about my days lately?
I think the rollercoaster ride of stressors I use to live everyday before I returned to school got me seriously fed up. For many, I had an exciting life filled with strange and unique experiences, and I did. It was really cool for a few years, but after a while, it became redondant.
My constant state of uncertainty, and the work I had to put in to stay at flow were exhausting. My episode of chronic fatigue last year didn’t come out of the blue, it was long coming with the level of anxiety I would experience everyday. I still consider the pandemic the blessing in disguise that allowed me to let go of an entertaining business that no longer amused me. During my years of nomadisme, and experimentation, I learned more about myself, and the world than any diploma could have thought me. I remain forever grateful for having given myself this opportunity at a boundless life. Those years will stay in my heart till my last breath.
Considering how exciting my day-to-day use to be, some may wonder why did I choose a predictable, and ordinary path at forty? First, I’m still recovering from that chronic fatigue. Second, thrills come in all shapes and sizes. Witnessing my brain transform before me as I assimilate new scientific teachings is exhilarating. Becoming the smarty pants I dreamed of being as a child kick ass. Finding my independence, and creating a sustainable future inspires me. My twenties were spent in fear, and judgment. My thirties were a fest of self-discovery, and freedom. My forties are about meaning. What does matter to me most, and how can I get involved?
I’ve overcomed many internal obstacles, and my inner relationship is radically different from my youth. Healing my emotional wounds, and giving myself a chance at rewriting my life script matters. I matter to me, truly, and for the first time. What ever negative belief I may carry about my abilities I will over come. Yes, uneventful feels great because the show is no longer outside, but inside myself now. Calm feels good when a univers of neurons is rewiring itself from the inside out.
